Current mood:

lonely

Advice from down at the end of lonely street
Hate the person you're going out with. Despise them. Ignore them when you can - have them stab you once in awhile just so you won't feel too attached to them. If necessary, start dating rocks, trees, accountants, and other inanimate objects just so you won't be both friends and lovers with your partner, because having them being the same thing is a bad, bad idea. Despite what any yahoo Ann Landers imitator may tell you.

Why? Well, the two-in-one theory works out just fine if the person you're with turns out to be The One. But let's be realistic. How often does that happen? Once, if you're lucky. And how many other people are you going to date before you finally stumble onto that one perfect partner? How many breakups does that add up to?

And if your girlfriend's your best friend, when you break it off with your girlfriend who is most definitely not The One, who did you intend to talk about it with?

I know that I'm not calling up my ex-girlfriend and supposedly-still best friend to say, "Hey, you know I'm really upset because you turned out to be a total slutburger. I'm not saying you were loose, but sleeping with you was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway and I was never sure what species of mammal I was going to find in bed with you from week to week. Even though you're the cause of all the misery in my life, can you give me a little sympathy, talk me through it?"
Uh-huh. Some best friend she turned out to be.

Another problem is that the bitch has seeded my house with emotional landmines. The moment after you break up you sweep through your bedroom, trying to expunge all traces of her existence. That shirt she left over here? Bang. Burn it. That crappy poem she wrote when she was drunk. Argh. Shred it.

- now hang on a second, I'm not crazy here....

But I try not to remember her at all, and one day I'm cleaning up when wham,I find it. Girlfriend spoor. Something she - sob - left behind. And I start feeling all emotional, and I remember everything that was good about our relationship, and I really feel like calling her up again and giving it another chance... until I remember why I broke up with her in the first place. Then I swear a lot and fantasize about blowing up her apartment.