Current mood:

full

Be Careful What You Ask Of Me
Today I woke up, drank the liquid in my Lava Lamp, did 1,001 push-ups and went out to find my car.
After I found it, I saw a cop that was writting me a ticket for parking in a city fountain. I asked if there was something I could do to keep from getting a ticket. The cop said "If there is, I'd like to see it." So I beat the dog shit out of him. While I was pounding his face in, I noticed a sign in a restaurant window. It said "All you can eat." Well, I love a challenge so I went in and sat at a booth. The waitress was hot. I could not take my eyes off of her. After I ate every bit of food in the entire restaurant, my plate, fork and a big chunk of the table, the waitress walked over and whispered in my ear. "I'll do anything you want, no matter how kinky, for twenty dollars." I thought about it for a sec. Then I reached into my pocket, pulled out a twenty. I wrote my address on it and while I was slipping it into her bra, I said "Paint my house."